Prom day started off with a loud.....B A N G ! ! at 7 in the morning, because the jerk who is building next to me had someone come out there and do construction at that ungodly hour of the morning.........on a SATURDAY!! Anyways, this allowed me to play on the computer a bit, clear my media card, put my battery in my camera, and mentally prepare myself for the day. We then went up to the hairdresser and Tara did my hair. She then stuck her tongue out for the picture of her and I after my hair was done. Then we came home, ate lunch and the finished cleaning and I did my make-up. Around 3 I did my make-up and gave my hair some last minute gluing (aka industrial strength runway model curl booster hair spray, it cost 10 bucks but it's lasted me three years)and got dressed and waited for half an hour until Joe came to pick me up.

So finally he came and I waited in my bathroom for permission to make my entrance...well...it was...less than elegant. You see...I tripped and stumbled, but I caught myself. Thing is, his parents were video taping it (yay me...this will now and FOREVER be on tape). Then I couldn't stop giggling because I don't do well under such attention, I'm not used to it, plus I felt funny being in a dress in front of his parents...I like my jeans and t-shirt. Plus, Joe was, oh my, was he so handsome!! I love him in a tux, he looks sooooooooo nice. ^^ (Plus the tie is an added bonus, it can be used as a leash to make him behave).

Anyways, after pictures, we went to prom and it was nice and the food was good. The dancing was sooooo much fun, I spent most of my time dancing with Joe and a few of my friends. It was an all around good time, except for the cramped feet. We ended up pinning my dress up so that I could dance because it was a bit toooo long.

Joe and I then went to an after prom party at the school and we had fun in the moon bounce, the jousting ring (which wasn't much fun because I got hit really really hard in the head and it gave me an instant migraine), Guitar Hero, Rockband, Volleyball and Basketball, cards, and they had movies. I tried to take a nap but it was way too loud and I really wanted Joe to stay with me until I fell asleep, but he wanted to do other stuff so I let him. I then talked with one of the ladies there for a few hours since I couldn't sleep and then when I did have Joe with me, he wanted to do stuff so I gave up on sleep and by breakfast, at 5 am, I was cranky because of lack of sleep. Then I was just about to fall asleep when one of my friend's hit me and I flipped shit and then I started to cry because I was a bitch and Joe just hugged me and when I got cranky with him he just hugged me and tried to make me go back to sleep. I was just about to fall asleep right before my mom came to pick us up and on the way home as I cried because I missed Joe (I get very very emotional when I don't sleep for 24 hours) and I missed the 8:00 service because I was out like a light around 7-ish when we got home. So I was woken up and dragged out of bed at 8:30 so that I could go to Sunday School and dress up as a dog, even though I wanted to sleep. Then after Sunday School my parents went up to this breakfast and I slept in the car because I wasn't hungry. Then when we got home around noon, I waited until Joe's father came and got the tux and he said the same thing everyone else said, "you look hungover." So after he left, I was going to watch a movie, but I fell asleep for five hours. I still feel like the living dead and I'm now going through my pictures and submitting a few.

With prom being in less than 6 days, I'm getting excited. Tonight I made Joe and I's mask for our Mardi Gras theme for prom. They're black with three black feathers, three burgundy roses, and a silver bow. Joe will look........amazing. The masks were fun to make, but also a bitch. I burned my thumb on the hot glue because you see, Mr. Hot Glue and I have a very hot and burning relationship that normally ends up with me being in pain...but not the good kind...anyways, I now have a big mess of feathers, wire, and ribbon to clean up tomorrow and I don't care, I'm tired and I'm relaxing from being stressed out from yesterday and not being able to find anything at A.C. Moore...friggin Walmart had more of a selection!!

I can't wait to see Joe in his tux!! I'll update more Thursday because that's supposedly when I he can try it on. I'm so excited!! ^^

Also, Joe isn't wearing camo for the whole month of May and I personally think he looks HOTT!! Button down shirts and jeans...he looks NICE ^^

Yesterday, I went with Joe, his mom, his godmother, and his younger brother, to go rent a tuxedo...this is the scene.
Joe: I don't wanna wear a tux, Isis, do I *have* to?
Me: Yes! *said sternly*
Joe: *turns and walks away from me and out of the store*
Me: Joseph stop acting so childish, it's only a tux!!
Joe: *comes back to me with head lowered and shoulders slumped* I don't really want to wear a tux, I'm going to be constricted.
Me: Just look at the jackets, please?
Joe: Fine.

Finally after whining, he found one that he liked. He then tried the jacket on.
Joe's Mom: Oh look at you!
Joe's Godmother: What do you think, Ashley?
Me: I think he's going to look so cute!
Joe: I'm not cute!!
Me: You're going to look so handsome, Joe.
Joe: I feel constricted.
Me: Oh stop your complaining, you're not wearing high heels and a dress. It'll be nice to see you in something other than camo.
Joe's Mom: You should wear normal clothing for once, Joey.
Joe's Godmother: I agree, Joey, it'd be nice to see you dress like a normal boy.
Me: Yeah, Joe, I mean you don't have to paint your clothes on like your brother but a pair of jeans and t-shirt wouldn't kill you!
Joe's Mom: She has a point.
Joe's Godmother: She told him!
Bobby: There's nothing wrong with what I wear! *His pants are so tight, you see everything. They look like they're painted on, we don't think he's going to be able to procreate when he gets older because of lack of oxygen to that area. *

Then Joe tried on the shirt and complained he didn't like the buttons. He was not a happy camper on the outside, but secretly he was enjoying the attention and being fussed over and called handsome. So in the end, he ended up with a black tux, that is the exact one, minus the tie and vest. [link]

We're using the tie from this set. [link]

And the vest from this set. [link]

He's gonna look soooooo handsome! I can't wait for May 14th when we pick up the tux. I'm gonna take TONS of pictures of Joe. He's totally NOT gonna like it...oh well!!

Now to figure out what to do for my hair. Ugh, it's so confusing what to do. I'm thinking of a half ponytail, the ponytail then curled into a few spirals and then the bottom half curled as well, or get the classic retro curls from the 40's. I might just do it myself and just scrunch it and twirl two pieces and just have it like that with a few hair clips. Any suggestions?

Last night I was thinking about what has happened in the past few years, the good and the bad. I realized I could remember the bad more than the good and that surprised me. I can remember the fights that broke my group of friends up, I can remember the feelings of betrayal and heartbreak my mother caused me, the feeling of loss and loneliness, the pain of being forced to give up on someone you cared about, the constant living in fear because of the world being so horrible. I can remember the silent nights I spent crying myself to sleep, wanting to die, thinking of taking my own life, believing that no one gave a damn about me. I was depressed, I barely ate, drank, smiled, I faked everything.

Then I tried to think of the good from back then, my best friends and I being goofs after school, the freedom of being a child, the not caring about the future and living only for today. The bad outweighed the good, no wonder I was so depressed.

10th grade was the worst year. My mother destroyed me, ripped me apart, making me feel worthless as she cheated on my father and saw nothing wrong with it. My heart was a disaster area and I risked my heart on someone who I should have not. I believed myself to be a monster, someone who didn't deserve to live and my self image of myself was destroyed, I hated who I was, I hated everything about me. I wanted to die, I had everything in order, my last wishes, my things divided among those I cared for. I had the pills, but...I just couldn't do it. I called a good friend of mine and I told her, crying and needing someone to listen.

11th was the year of healing, it took me almost 8 months to trust anyone else other than my small group of friends. Then came along Joe. When his friend told me he liked me, I was terrified. I didn't want another relationship, I didn't want to hurt him or for him to hurt me. I spent many nights just wishing for him to give up on liking me, dreading on seeing him when break was over. Though my head begged for me to not start a relationship, my heart begged for me to let him close...I gave into the heart's begging. At first I was terrified of him knowing me personally. I thought he'd give up but he stayed, intrigued by me and me by him. Soon, my heart healed and he filled the void filled by the ones I lost to death and life. He made me feel safer than anyone I ever knew. I could sleep at night, knowing that tomorrow would bring me the chance to talk and see him again. I began to love life like I did as a child, to see it as a blessing. Now I see the beauty in everything once more. It's been ten months that we've been together and they are ten of the best months ever. Joe and I have talked about things and he said that after I graduate college and he does his tour in the military, that we'll get married. He brought it up and it surprised me. He doesn't know what he wants to be, but all he wants is for me to be there and be the mother of his children. He makes me feel so overwhelmed with love. Though we are madly in love, we're not doing anything stupid. He wants to wait until we're both ready because we both feel that we're too young. He is everything I want in a man, gentle, a heart of gold, protective, loving, caring, strong. He knows I'm more of a sentimental girl than a material girl and he'll write me poems to show how much he loves me. He has his flaws, but I deal with them because I know I have flaws as well.

In ten months, he has changed me so much. I no longer fear being alone because I know he'll be there, I dream a lot more. I dream of a future that is in my grasp, one that is so probable, that I am able to bet my chips on. He has changed as well. He is open, more willing to let people into his world. He allows me to get inside his head and see how he thinks, he doesn't hide his feelings as much is adorable in how he makes sure he gets a hug and a kiss after school and meets me between a few of my classes.

I guess it is true, you have to Hell to get to Heaven. I wish everyone could find someone who makes them feel like I do, to be loved so much that just being away from them for a second makes them even more special when you are together again.

For those who loved Moonlight on CBS, Sci-fi is going to run reruns starting January 23!!

Things here have been good. Joe and I have recently celebrated nine months of dating and are looking towards our tenth month coming up on the 11th of January. I love the boy. We celebrated Christmas Eve together and we're very very happy. His parents like me, they think I'm very polite and in a way are probably puzzled at the fact their son, who is quiet and lives in his room, got a girlfriend...I know his little brother is.

I hate not having school, I miss Joe so much, I haven't seen him in almost a week and I'm starting to get boyfriend withdrawal. Hopefully I get to see him tomorrow. He wants to show me how to use the wii and I want to beat him at Soul Caliber 4 again. It's amusing. I'm pretty good. I broke his helmet, chest armor, and his pants, he was in nothing but his chain mail and I just lost my helmet. Not bad for someone who rarely games.

I got a new Nikon Xoolpix s550 camera for Christmas, 10 mega pixels of love. ^^

How was everyone else's Christmas?